My heart is in Boston.

On Monday evening Itzik and I went out for dinner with friends to a lovely Italian restaurant to celebrate  Israel’s Independence Day. Libbie and her husband Tzahi joined us and we all made merry. That is, until Libbie and I received news alerts on our phone about the Boston Bombing. Libbie and I met (and fell in love) in Boston, and we both immediately began scouring the interwebs for information about what happened, and for word from our friends and families there. I had been following updates all day from friends of mine who were in Boston to run the marathon, and when I heard about two bombs detonating near the finish line I felt my heart drop into my stomach. The rest of my evening was spent making calls and checking Facebook in an effort to account for anyone who may have been downtown that day (thankfully, most of my friends in Boston usually avoid the shitshow that is downtown Boston on Marathon Monday) and I was grateful to learn quickly that my loved ones were safe.

It is hard to put into words the feelings I experienced after learning about this. Confused. Sad. Scared. Homesick. Sick. Worried. When I lived in Boston and followed Israeli news (esp after Libbie moved to Tel Aviv) it was always upsetting to learn about terrorism happening here. But it was never altogether surprising. It is, after all, the Middle East. These things have a context here. That context never mitigates the horror and sadness of terrorism, but there’s a frame of reference and usually there’s never any doubt about the motive. 

When it comes to Monday’s events in Boston, however, there is no context. And for me to be living here, in Israel- where a certain level of violence is expected on occasion- and to watch bombs exploding in Boston? It was surreal. Videos of the explosions were online before we even paid the bill, and I watched in horror on my phone as buildings I used to walk by daily were torn apart. The Boston setting was familiar, and the scene of terror was familiar- but I could not wrap my head around the two together….and it made me homesick in a way I haven’t experienced until now. Knowing how 'commonplace' things like this are for my Israeli friends deepens my respect for the Israeli experience. It also makes me hope that those in Boston effected by this tragedy can rebound from their pain, and stand strong against whomever is to blame.

When Israel and Hamas went to war a few months ago, I had an experience of war and terrorism that was new for me. And the biggest lesson I learned from Israelis was this: if the fear prevents you from living your life, the terrorists have won. You must press on, you must garner strength from the knowledge that life will always conquer death, good will prevail over evil.

So, to my friends and loved ones in Boston- my heart is with you. I am overjoyed and utterly relieved that you are all ok, and I wish so much that I could be there with you right now. My heart breaks for our city, and for those who were affected by this tragedy. I pray that whomever is to blame will not be allowed a victory of fear. May justice be swift, and recovery short.

UPDATE: my friend Jen lives in Boston and wrote an account of her experience here. Jen and I worked together at the David Project, and she moved to Israel a year before me. She's an American-Israeli who has studied counter-terrorism, and the article is excellent. Check it out.

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A quick (but nonetheless important) aside:

Four years ago, I drove a new little family home from Mass General Hospital, and was introduced to a little girl who would change my world forever- Liron Etta. I watched my good friends Sasha and Ellen become exemplary parents overnight, and I hope that one day my family will be half as happy as theirs. I had the privelage of becoming a part of their family, and the memories we made together are precious to me.

You guys are my family, and today I wish more than ever that I could be with you to celebrate. I miss you every day, and I can’t wait to be back this summer to make more memories together. Keep a place for me at the table, and in your hearts.

Happy birthday, Liron!! I love you so much.

...without skipping a beat.

One of my favorite parts of being back in Boston is saying hello to the neighborhood characters who set the stage when I lived here- the guys in the dry cleaners downstairs, Miguel at the bodega on the corner, Derek in the hair salon on my block- every time the small talk goes something like this:

them: "woah! hey! it's been forever."

me: "yeah, hi! its been about a year. how are you?"

them: "good, good. you? where have you been? are you back for good?"

me: "No, I live in Israel now. I just come back here to do my dry cleaning." (chuckles ensue...)

These conversations are amusing, and I have to admit that I get a little ego boost from telling people about my time abroad. 

I wanted to move for so long, and I made it happen. I did it. 

Surely that affords me some bragging rights, nu? 

So, I've been in Boston for a little over a week now, 

and aside from those little conversations, I really feel like I've just stepped back into the life I left behind when I moved to Tel Aviv last fall. 

And thanks to my new smartphone...I'm capturing every moment.

Here are some of the photographic highlights:

Chilling in my old neighborhood (love the South End) 

Going to yoga at my old studio 

(check out Sadhana if you're local, it's fantastic)

This is so true, right?

Spending time with good friends 

Ilya's private garden has really grown

everybody has smartphones now...

an outdoor screening of The King's Speech with Mary in the North End

putting on my game face for Field Day (I medaled in Cornhole, nbd)

Watching Liron frolic during a Jazz concert in Union Park

post-field day drinks at some dive bar in JP, of course (Marzipan loves JP)

Riding the T like a pro (not a big deal)

Hangin' out with my favorite little girl (Liron Etta...it's love)

we had a girls' night when Sasha and Ellen saw a movie, 

and when it was time to go to sleep Liron's cute little voice rang out with 

"...maybe Jenna will cuddle with you before you go to sleep." 

How could I say no?

So, all in all, I've been having a great time. I miss my friends in Israel, and I miss Itzik like crazy- but Skype makes it bearable, and I'm trying to focus on enjoying every moment here while I can. 

There's lots upcoming, so stay tuned!

...and the world spins madly on.

(a foggy day in the Golan Heights, I'll post about that study trip eventually...)

There have been some emotional side effects of moving abroad which, while I didn't see coming weren't wholly surprising either. The best way I can describe it is learning to live with emotional dichotomy. I have felt keenly the effects of two opposite feelings:

1. the life I left behind is moving 

on without me far too rapidly. 

Sasha and Ellen, who I miss with a special part of my heart reserved for family, sent me a video of their daughter Liron reading a Dr. Seuss book last week. When I left Boston she was just beginning to say things! She is so dear to me, and in baby-time a year is a big deal. Kissing her little face when I get home is at the top of my priority list.

The people I love and do my best to keep up with are having babies, or have babies who are growing up, and I'm missing it. In the coming months I'll be missing a couple of  friends' weddings and other important life-events which I would normally move mountains to be a part of, but to my hearts chagrin I can't part seas also. I feel anxious to be a part of my life back home again.

Not to wax sentimental, the crux of this strange dichotomy I'm learning to live with is this, almost anathema reality:

2. The longer I'm here, 

the less I want to leave. 

I'm settling into friendships, building relationships with neighbors and locals (Shay the neighbor, Roni the owner at Shenkin 17, the street cats in the neighborhood) who are becoming characters in my life (and enemies...I hate the cats.) Every moment that passes is a moment here I can't get back, and I don't want to look back and feel that I wasted even one. And with each passing day it becomes harder to imagine going home after only a year here.

So, this is the new baseline of emotion I'm learning to function with 

as someone with my heart split between worlds.

I don't know what will happen after this program/year is over. But for now, I'm choosing to wake up every morning and make the most of what I have. Thankfully, the list of what I have (in the way of furniture) is slim, so I'm never really tempted to stay in and have a chill night at home. Whatever I'm doing (homework, chilling with friends, reading, etc) there's literally nowhere to sit and do it at home- it's a nice impetus for getting out and exploring the city (and making friends with couches...).

Classes are over this week, and now I essentially have two months of writing and reading ahead of me- my finals consist solely of papers to write. My goal is to structure time between work, practicing my Hebrew, getting sleep and staying healthy, and making sure I have as much fun in this city as I possibly can fit in the extra space. 

Oh, and saving money so maybe I can get a couch...

somehow, though, that's slipping lower on my list of TO DO's...